the end is definite

i kept the secret by letting out the words

that i had pulled from the edges of my heart.

i told the story without naming the characters

or describing the how the weather was that day.

i told the truth and lied to their faces--

maybe they'll hate me.

pat me on the head and tell me i'm making the

better choices, maybe that will help.

but i can't stop crossing my fingers that time

will forget its meanderings and just sprint for-

ward. (i know i will regret that someday.)

but i also forget that home is no longer home

and the way and how of my life is no

longer attached to my heart. i put on the band

aid only to rip it off-- i never want this scar to heal.

i fear if it heals i will forget the times that were

filled with water droplets and agony--the effect

of a perfect beautiful love.

i pray. that i won't miss you. and i die each time.