messy psychic memory

(i think i thieved your words)

tiny droplets
a library of all your fears
and disappointments
your nightlight failed you

crying in the rain or underwater
cannot undermine
your hurt.

the sea
the ocean
is our library of tears
carefully documenting the hurt
to fill the world
with memories of what has past.
(and what is inevitable)

what if we had a few more months
a couple more years?
would white light and golden rubber bands
(to remind of course) reside
in our fortune cookie future?

the muscles in my hair
restrain the scream that boils
inside my chest.
it wasnt meant to be violent,
but the anger and hurt
and the pain i dont think i can stand

anger with time
hurting to lost a heart
pain to remember

the days and the ways
could never
be just right
or just the way they used to be.

tender tender
sweet november
darling darling
precious boy
say you wont leave
me anymore.

notes on the scale
numbers on a clock
they write the scratches
and the time
we got.

i push it out of my head
like the poison
from a snakebite

i reject your future,

i just want your love
all to myself.

i taste frosting on my tongue
and remember to open the blinds
blinding my eyes to the world
with the help of the steadfast sun.

i rode the pony underneath the starry sky
he cried and he cried but i never knew why
i followed them that night into the dark
with the hopes of witnessing those tiny sparks

flannel felt weird to my hand but i kept
the message in a bottle that was only wept
and swept under waves and underwater caves.
but no one was in a saltwater room.

don't mind me.
kiss me sweetly
and take your leave
before i fall apart.

time

you cheat me.
you take my money (when i'm in need)
you shove me down.

you turn friends into distant memories
the sidewalk chalk fades
with the coming rain.

tapping of piano keys
and sensuous strums of the violin
mark your passing
and the tear-stained hearts
that are pushed aside.

your greed swallows me
as i forget time and time again
to love and be loved to
remind my dears of my deepest
love and regards. you take my money
you take my mind
and i really
actually mind.
mindless i run through ebbing tides
and smashing winds
and floating nothingness
void of space but not of time.
void of space.
never void of time.
the tears
the growing
pain running through
our bones.
the decadence that you brought--
your housewarming gift to
the human race.
i tried my best to close the door.
(it didnt work)
because you stole your way inside
anyway. you stole your
way into our lives.
and you thieved away
our wonder years
our proud edifice of prowess...
you filched my sanity
you plundered my acclaim.
and above all
you stole
my
time.

inconclusive

how sweet it is to be loved by you.
how sweet the song that the thrush whispers
when the breeze has come to a stop
but the tripping creek keeps on stumbling
past our little world of affection.

how sweet the taste on my lips
to know that somewhere to someone
your matters completely matter
inside and out, you are needed
and deeply desired.

a thousand tired and tear-stained
goodbyes plague the afternoons
the sounds of violins become my only friends
and a hundred tiny ant soldiers take away the
tear drops in the dust.

but your love is like a diamond
you cannot be scathed by mere
conflict and confrontation--sneering
yelling voices that only wish to tear us
apart; your love is imperishable,
at least i can only hope, for in this sunlight
your countenance is nothing short
of divine.

divine? how deep the father's love for us
how vast beyond all measure
how deep is your love? might the
wallpaper slowly peel with time
and the attention slowly divert
itself.. might the tides erode the beaches
and the leaning towers threaten our
safety? might a thousand terra cotta
warriors haunt our dreams and
a tiny silver skyline foreshadow bigger
and better things?
is your punchline just a joke?
i'll never love again...

what is this anyway? is it sweetly love
to be tested under vicious waves
or a small school of fish that should
live only in the tidepools that are safe
and secure? could this be the end of the beginning
or should it be the beginning of the end?

love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs
tumbling around my brain, the words
and questions fall ascatter.
i don't know what tomorrow brings,
and i cannot understand what's best.
but for now, my love,
you are best, and
you are my tomorrow.

separated but equal (distress)

one two
three's a charm
three rings to feel secure.
shaky hands stray to the phone--STOP
eyes twitch as it sits in silence
on the table.
i measure with a yardstick
the society-filled bubble
of p.c.(p?)
hours and hours of surgery
and my veins are still connected to you
the siamese twin that stole my heart
and stole my brain.
disconnect me--you'd be a m u r d e r er
euthanasia won't solve the sitch(es)
or mend the stiches
or calm the-------
i'll never talk again
i told him our secrets
and i told him what i feel
he chuckled a little--
who can tell what he's thinking?
that we're just children?
sinking in our c a r n a l desire?
maybeso--no, never so
i don't see a sandwich.
i don't see a playground
that i can use until it falls
apart with rust and disease.
i see a soul.
i see a beautiful soul
resting in the palm of my hand.
do you trust me?
can you trust me?
i walk the line between the morning
light and the falling liberty bell.
the c r a c k s in the pavement mirror
stripes in freedom,
lacerations on the heart
that we share.

we leave behind what was
left behind.
we take our hearts our separate ways.
we take our hearts
and go our separate ways.
i fall apart when we go our separate ways.