the most welcome fail

There isn't a place to tell the world the things i saw last night.
(i leaned in and saw straight into your soul)
there couldn't ever be a place to tell people and people and
people how you told me you wouldn't leave. you wouldn't ever
leave. or would you? you sounded so sure, but at the same time,
a little scared. you were scared. you said you were looking to the
future--med school, life, and the rest of the world. i wondered
how and why i wasn't included with the rest of the world..
(i wasn't the rest of your world? you've been the rest of my
world...?) i felt the tears, kamikaze away from my eyes,
i bled inside my heart of hearts (you know how and what you did)
but maybe there's a little bit more than what we thought there
was.. like waking from a dream--drop me to the floor to bring
me back to reality (check my pockets, is my totem there?
i can't be dreaming) suspension reminds us that gravity
remains supreme, we let each other go to remember
what it was like before. (what was it like before...?)
well i'll never learn to unlove you--I could never
pull it off. from the creaking chairs to the wilted couch
cushions-- i could never learn to unlove you. we would
sit and talk for hours (what is time and obligation to
our world?) about everything and nothing.. what is
it that we would say? the passersby could never tell--
they wouldn't tell our secrets, would they? We'd be full
of silly and crazy times. but you were serious when i
needed you. you took my hand, though you were so far
away. even in the beginning you pushed away my demons,
one by one. and now, as we run miles in the
opposite direction you watch me tell my story silently--
through the metered rhymes and free verse
free free free verse, i crave the freedom of a freer verse
that doesn't have a leash. you watched me spill the
beans//about all the problems i had seen. you tried to
stay quiet, but finally the words were just too much
(were they too much?)

maybe people think we're crazy, or just stupid kids.
Maybe they'll think we don't have any self control
(they make up stories, those old people, they).
But with every breath of doubt (they breathe their
doubt on me in puffy black clouds of emphysema) i catch
a glimpse of a brighter day. I smell the whiff of a happier
place and time, when we don't have to worry what the next
year brings (what on earth could it bring)a time when our
trust will blossom past the spring buds that fall off the sweet gum
i could never learn to unlove you--i don't think, ever.
I may not have a crystal ball, or a pack of tarot cards--
do they come in a pack at all?--but i know what i see when
i see your face, hear your laugh, sense your smile. i know
that we will never learn to unlove.

So many times we've looked up at the stars--
we'll get away from these city lights one of these days.