on my mind

its on my mind.
your hand slides up my thigh
and i can't help but realize
that i've been thinking this for quite a while
and i've wanted to verbalize before now
but just couldn't summon the courage to.

the warmth of you is soaked up through my pores.
and your scent is intoxicating.
but the seeds of doubt were sowed long ago
and these days are days when i just don't know
what we're doing.

i worry
more than i wonder
of what could or might be.
my psychological walls, battlements, armory
they stand ready to fight off the onslaught.

i stand with open arms
but my hands form fists
i stand with open heart
but my head just won't let me..
i worry.
more than anything.

so vulnerable
i shiver in the cold.
my heart rebukes me
for leaving it out in the elements.

i need to talk to you.
but i don't know how to form the words.
i need to tell you all of this
but i know i will make a mess
of things.

you can't use me.
its as simple as that.