you're too kind

and thats why you infuriate me.
its "please" and "thank you" and "can i get you some water?"
i dont need water. i dont need you
what i thought cant possibly be false. no way jose.
i want indifference,
and a little more "can you get outta my way?"
cause ive never been rational
what i want is never what i need and
ive never ever watered those seeds i planted
not with actual water
maybe a douse of grape juice or a squirt of cream.
but their growth isnt stunted like mine;
they have what they dont need
they grow backwards and miscolored
i have what i need, but not what i want
and grow healthy and strong
only weak in my assessment of what constitutes my life
the mind truly gets in the way
the conscious is stupid and gets in the way of my wise subconscious self
that knows
ive always been wrong.