tears/fears/and the inevitable

no other creature
for miles.
no one in my vision
no one would miss me
were i to take a leap
and test gravity
to feel air beneath my
arms, flying may not
be my destination.
you could not miss me
if i was a current in
your swimming pool
begging you to remember
what we had.
close the door,
lock the bolt and push
me away like a distant
painful memory. i know
the truth that i can't tell.
i tell myself those silver
lies, just to make it through
the day. i cover my ears,
begin to hum, just to deal
with the glass window
that broke accross my
heart. living breathing
existing as one. it can't
ever be like it was. never
like, it was. it was my world.

my world is but a vague
instinct that is all but
forgotten.

i miss you too much.

i feed myself the little hope i
have like its an endless supply
of the sweetest treats. i give
myself a little bit of hope where
i know there should be none.
i hope and dream and remember
you.

but i know that the you i
remember
can never exist again.
but i know that the we i
remember
will never exist again.

curling up on the sidewalk--
there's no use.
we didnt get here by squandering
other people's money or by
being useless...
here we are, without a home, because
we gave ourselves hope that
we didn't deserve. i have no home.
my heart has no home.

homelessness was never a welcome place
for one so tall and strong. but here
we sit, like we never thought we'd
end up here. shadows and inklings
plague our paranoia our guilt ridden
faultering minds. shadows. of. you.

i saw him from accross the caf--
tall and blonde and lanky.
my stomach turned and my heart
fell.
as i saw the face of one i didn't know.
it wasn't you.
and what am i supposed to do
with these broken pieces
of my broken heart?

how am i supposed to tape
this back together? i don't
even have any superglue
(not that that would work anyway)
why oh why
is life so cruel? beautiful and cruel.
He gives and He takes away.
why did you give to take? why

flooded house

i miss you.
we broke our hearts
together.
and like a serial suicide
we took our leave.

what i'm missing

eight tiny pearls to accompany
the papercuts on her fingers

six small papers inked in the tender
heart of a love that lingers

mindworks reach their end as
blank slate overpowers senses.

she can't know what she has lost
for words are unreliable lenses

empty heart follows empty mind
unable to let the lovesicks go

the temps rise and the fevers crash
new worlds bring her to a new low.

won't let go of the treasure in her
balled up fist--it's no time for goodbye.

how could she fall from favor
from heights that were so high

there is a taste of sick, unable to forget
the hurt tongue that can only taste tart

indifference whispers poison in her ear
apathy takes of her broken little heart.

even broken little hearts can be overlooked.

?/pre mortis

marionette barber
crunch crash crystallize.
honor baby honor, respect. some time
hand hands ticking never ticking
back and forth
up and down and inside out
wheels turning paper coming
flower falling fading fourth mvp.
grass buggity bug back backs
dark and light in instance instants.
tongue and mind tongue in cheek
mortis waiting nursing home
for chilluns.
despondency, waiting, sad
goodbye--get lost
come back
kiss kiss dont ever leave
lights lights speed no drug
lies in her mind
already missing you.
lizard love and what is lost.
forever?