here and there and nowhere

wilting aching crying
wandering past the five-spoke wheels
they spoke through coughs
and tear-stained silence.

when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even.
when you're heart breaks, my heart breaks
when we brake for hearts we break a heart.
breaking hearts before braking hurts.
slim words.

i forget what i feel,
so i can retain my sanity.
i forget what this is
only because it does and must
exist.
i cannot recall the sensation
because my mind has yet to
handle it.
i forget who you are
so i can stay here.

a siren's song pulled us into revolutions
around the sun again, here we go//forever gone.
honorably we fight the tide of apathy

..yes?

rebreaking a broken heart is out of the question.
and what is this? that we find answers to questions
that were never asked.
that we find solutions to problems that have never
plagued us.
my paperthin skin, lucid. watch my frozen b l o o d
creep through my veins. elucidate the problem
in my congested arteries, those vessels
(watch them float/sink/float along the sea-floor)
plagued by
self-inflicted pathogens.
i never meant to push you into the dark.


all to say

i know not what is inside my head.

market scam

rising and falling
heaving out our breaths.
we measure our time
in what is left.

unworthy, silly, and ever losing ambition,
I follow c ra c k s in the window
forgeting their endless stories.
and hoping the gravel stays on the ground
where it belongs.

exquisite, superhuman, and destined for greatness
you catch sunbeams in the palm of your hand
even when the sky is bundled up in clouds.
what is this to you?

breaking clocks
or keeping them here to forget time,
we can't see the candles that were set for us.
what is life going to do to us?
can we bear the spidery fingers that will eventually
rip
us
apart?


"you got so much love in you
you got so much love
i'm amazed that i'm talking to you
you look like a song that i've heard my
whole life coming true."

minutes never lost

i live and die in a moment
i live and die for the moments
i feel faint
faint in your arms, but never
faint of heart.

trembling, searching for your
face--
swimming and flying and breathing
all in the moments that i cannot find
the ground.

where was the ground? far from my mind
far from us indeed--
i seek sound i search for sight
i find your face and the world is at peace
everything is just alright, tonight some nights.

mistake mistook the world by storm(y weather)
your face retook the world from them
we strike the gong we play their games
we were never in it for just the fame.
i hold your hand and hear the wind
i touch your face and find the paperthin
heart i've been looking for,
buried deep in a cardboard box--protected from the rain.

"how do i love thee? let me count the ways..."

maniacally methodical

i fell from eloquence
like lucifer from favor.
i rejected words like
her body rejected her liver.

..what (one[the boy] who lives)

i now know
[do i? (do i know anything?)]
deep within my frame
beneath these folds of flesh
resting in my heart of hearts
is a magnet of sorts
(i cannot explain)

the glory of it all
(compels) i know not
words to speak(er)
speaker, speaker, little speaker
tell me stories, give me (sneakers)
no
but then again, why must i wait for
your softness to locate
a magnet hidden deep.
a riddle rhymed a riddle reap
perhaps our rendezvous was
meaningless (i hope not)
perhaps we are children (we are)
i offer commentary to the deaf ears
the deaf ears offer their listening ears
no. their silent ears.
the void, the gap, the gasp of silence.
the silence that enveloped--no. (it did not)
we overtook the silence in a million
soundless words.
i found a funny secret i locked inside my shoe
[what?] was meant by the words
that labeled the sane?
i stepped on all your secrets--
they're hidden in my shoe.
finding painted ponies offered none
at all--no solace for the sunburn
no aloe for the scar. what was mine
is never surely ours.
metal metal creeping metal
finds (its way) a way to replace our
very bones. our bones of marrow and flesh..?
our bones that brittlebreak
and cannot withstand the turn of time
whistle whistle whilst wandering
wonder woods would wear no.
i reject your bag of words.
they fall on me like acid.
acid touch, they fall on me.
i reject the words we poured in our vain
attempts to fill the unfillable silence.
too much to say to use your words.
too much.
our vain attempts to rival the rain.
smaller hands, never have i seen.
a murky master was followed today and yesterday.
i know now of what sort your question marks.
yet i see what i see, what i say i saw, i saw.
quote the unquotable tabletimeturningwhatnonsense.
ignore ignore for better or worse
ignore the cure
ignore the curse.

influenced

i never thought i could forget the world
in the middle of my storm
or lose recollection of
all that was said before
the day
the day before yesterday.

might i ask how you found this page?
this page reveals all time
in a tender, silver handshake
underneath the skies'
fully torn skin
veil but curtain--cloth?
the day before yesterday.

sinking miserably yet unequivocably
delighted in you
to be found ransacked
filled with joy that was labeled
with a stinking scarlet letter.
what does the word say?
how might the mouth explore
the dangers and safeties of
us?

a brief concoction of memories

i live a day to day existence
always falling to the floor
i measure time by weekends
and forget to close the door

i saw the lonely face in the mirror
and wondered who it could be
"certainly not me--i am the happiest
i could ever hope to be"

"not i" declared the hen.

was i ever understood?

it fell right through my fingertips
and vanished through the carpet.
my mind is scraped along the concrete
i try and i try to remember and find
where the hell it could have gone.

what

what is it that i'm looking for?

i hold your hand and the light finds
its way
the water begins to clear--the mud has
found more interesting prey.
ignore this.

my immortal separation

i am not changed.
but i can see the corner
i've been told to turn.

i have yet to be changed.

it was the anger that tied me down
to the colder earth
that prompted the rage
that took me down,
past all sounds of life and light.

i am not changed
in this sickle cell
i turn from you in brusque
identity--desperation
beyond comprehense..
i am not changed
and i do not understand
this person i am become.. s
difficulty bedevils our soul
surrender sister, you lost--
surrender the sister you lost.
was i supposed to change, ever?

you advertise and you preach
and i sink into a mire
desire, intent, and free thinking
free was never a concept
to be held onto in the coldest
of nights or behind the toolshed.
i
know
nothing
i know i am not changed.


i took this path only because
you loathe its existence.. you blanch
at its mention and you despise its name.
i took this path because of you
because of your h a t e.
i took this path.
see if i am changed.