separated but equal (distress)

one two
three's a charm
three rings to feel secure.
shaky hands stray to the phone--STOP
eyes twitch as it sits in silence
on the table.
i measure with a yardstick
the society-filled bubble
of p.c.(p?)
hours and hours of surgery
and my veins are still connected to you
the siamese twin that stole my heart
and stole my brain.
disconnect me--you'd be a m u r d e r er
euthanasia won't solve the sitch(es)
or mend the stiches
or calm the-------
i'll never talk again
i told him our secrets
and i told him what i feel
he chuckled a little--
who can tell what he's thinking?
that we're just children?
sinking in our c a r n a l desire?
maybeso--no, never so
i don't see a sandwich.
i don't see a playground
that i can use until it falls
apart with rust and disease.
i see a soul.
i see a beautiful soul
resting in the palm of my hand.
do you trust me?
can you trust me?
i walk the line between the morning
light and the falling liberty bell.
the c r a c k s in the pavement mirror
stripes in freedom,
lacerations on the heart
that we share.

we leave behind what was
left behind.
we take our hearts our separate ways.
we take our hearts
and go our separate ways.
i fall apart when we go our separate ways.

of which i cannot know

temporary golden hair
lines your/my face and eyes.
through rose-colored lenses
you watch
a thousand quiet goodbyes.

the smell/ the sound of you
the plain you-filled
space of air
brings me to the silent
awakening, the knowledge
of my place, my honor
my indelible shining smile.
"i love you, baby,
and if it's quite alright,
i need you baby,
to warm a lonely night"


you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

both frail and forgetful

i have always been frail
weak, forgetful of your pretty words
that are backed up, insured at that
trustworthy bank.

i forget your embrace
with the passage of time,
and i leave behind my desires
when i feel you're not mine.

i shift as sand
that runs through your hand.

im as changing as the sea
and as fickle as the moon in the summer sky.

but there are those precious words
that speak for themselves
uttered though they are,
they tell all time and they
find the sublime.
im reminded of you
and of what i might be
when i take your hand
despite my fears and heart's demands
shifting as sand, i cringe and
i shiver, though you'd never
let me sink.

why the frailty, and why the indecision?
when the sun hits our faces
and the smile begins to grow
and we find those old traces
of the love we both know
i can stand it no longer
for i find once again
the love that i've had
that should never know an end.

what i leave behind

sand shifts in its place
monster white envelopes
(we sealed our fates)
invite green paper to your
pocket, under pillows
portraits gather dust
rocks in my shoes remind
me of the long road ahead
and the burden resting
on my shoulder whispers
terrifying salutations--
when i leave i won't be
coming back, i will hardly
know where it is i am come
from, i will only know where
i am going. for the first
time light doesn't hurt
my eyes, and for the first
time i can barely speak
the name of the place
or the smell of the street
that will meet my feet.
the comfort fades slowly
and softly but i fall with
a bang and am shocked.
shocked, i realize i am gone
i left years ago, before i
really was called. what
have i done? what have
i missed? for the first
time i regret the time's
passage and the extra sleep
i inhaled. familiar faces
fade into the background
i cannot wake from this
nightmare--i really do
not know where it is
i am going. i only know
where it is i have come
from. i walk past busy
streets where people
sing and play guitar. I
leave a tear on the pave-
ment as i do my best to
find those people and
those places and all
those glorious memories
of sunshine and wind
and purple satin dresses
that
i left
behind.

here and there and nowhere

wilting aching crying
wandering past the five-spoke wheels
they spoke through coughs
and tear-stained silence.

when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even.
when you're heart breaks, my heart breaks
when we brake for hearts we break a heart.
breaking hearts before braking hurts.
slim words.

i forget what i feel,
so i can retain my sanity.
i forget what this is
only because it does and must
exist.
i cannot recall the sensation
because my mind has yet to
handle it.
i forget who you are
so i can stay here.

a siren's song pulled us into revolutions
around the sun again, here we go//forever gone.
honorably we fight the tide of apathy

..yes?

rebreaking a broken heart is out of the question.
and what is this? that we find answers to questions
that were never asked.
that we find solutions to problems that have never
plagued us.
my paperthin skin, lucid. watch my frozen b l o o d
creep through my veins. elucidate the problem
in my congested arteries, those vessels
(watch them float/sink/float along the sea-floor)
plagued by
self-inflicted pathogens.
i never meant to push you into the dark.


all to say

i know not what is inside my head.

market scam

rising and falling
heaving out our breaths.
we measure our time
in what is left.

unworthy, silly, and ever losing ambition,
I follow c ra c k s in the window
forgeting their endless stories.
and hoping the gravel stays on the ground
where it belongs.

exquisite, superhuman, and destined for greatness
you catch sunbeams in the palm of your hand
even when the sky is bundled up in clouds.
what is this to you?

breaking clocks
or keeping them here to forget time,
we can't see the candles that were set for us.
what is life going to do to us?
can we bear the spidery fingers that will eventually
rip
us
apart?


"you got so much love in you
you got so much love
i'm amazed that i'm talking to you
you look like a song that i've heard my
whole life coming true."

minutes never lost

i live and die in a moment
i live and die for the moments
i feel faint
faint in your arms, but never
faint of heart.

trembling, searching for your
face--
swimming and flying and breathing
all in the moments that i cannot find
the ground.

where was the ground? far from my mind
far from us indeed--
i seek sound i search for sight
i find your face and the world is at peace
everything is just alright, tonight some nights.

mistake mistook the world by storm(y weather)
your face retook the world from them
we strike the gong we play their games
we were never in it for just the fame.
i hold your hand and hear the wind
i touch your face and find the paperthin
heart i've been looking for,
buried deep in a cardboard box--protected from the rain.

"how do i love thee? let me count the ways..."